Dilemma...

My job. I have told you guys before that I am a firefighter. I LOVE my job. I love helping people, I love my coworkers, I have ONLY ever been a firefighter outside of high school. I have taken a few college classes but with my current schedule I haven't been able to go back..

So let me try to explain a little bit. I work a 24 hour shift. For example a normal work shift is 7am (today, the 21st ) until 7am (tomorrow, the 22nd) then I am off from 7:01am (tomorrow, the 22nd) until 7am (the 23rd) get it? Every 8 days (4 shifts) I get two days off in a row and every month and a half I get a 4 day weekend. Whew. I know its confusing but it is important for sound advice you see HOW much I actually work. Basically its 144 hours every two weeks. My husband who is also a firefighter (different departments, Hes a state employee while I am a federal employee) is going to 24 hour shifts also! His shift is a ton better (in my opinion) he will work 24 on and 48 off... I am about an hour and 15 minute commute one way and my husbands is about 10 minutes. The only tuff part is the federal system you make a ton more then you make state side. Easy part is we will survive on his pay, bad part is it wont be the lifestyle we currently live.

When BB (Baby B.) gets here I will be taking off work for about 4 months. & I KNOW with my schedule and my husbands it will be IMPOSSIBLE for one of us to return to work. Without putting BB into daycare for HOURS AND HOURS. I don't want to go back. I know its hard, its scary, its 5 years in the federal system waisted. Its a lot of things that I think about a lot It festers inside of me I need someone to tell me this is okay. My husband is worried about financial reasons - -Heck I AM TOO BABE. I just know it will be better for me as a MOTHER, as a wife and it will eventually make me into a better person.

Now for the PLAN. I am currently looking for jobs closer to home, State or Federal. I would prefer a federal so I can transfer all of my benefits rather then throwing them away. I want to look into going back to school. The military will pay for it so Its no worry & I will have a much better schedule if I'm closer to home doing a job that isn't as stressful and involved as firefighting. I will be able to cook dinner for my husband every night (pshhh) I will be able to hold my baby girl every day! Feed her and play with her. Hopefully I can find something within the next 7 months (Due in Nov + 3 months maternity).

So I know this is a long one and I am not looking for sympathy because I have already given myself enough of it :] How did working mothers do it? I know I am in a completely different situation with my job and schedule but some encouragement is needed so I can start my hunt and feel better about it.

Thanksssss

xo

Mrs.B