Tuesday, October 9, 2012

I'm being honest here...

So I was contemplating writing this post... then I figured this blog is the real me so I wanted to write it. I am positive I can not be the only person who feels this way.

First and foremost let me tell you all how thankful I am able to have children. I feel so blessed to feel this little girl kicking and moving inside of me. Its unreal how much I already love this little bean even though she isn't here yet!

... here comes the but...

BUT - I am the most miserable unhappy pregnant woman. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm in a funk? I just don't know how some people do it (and I RESPECT all you moms with babies/toddlers who are currently pregnant). Let me start by saying I have had a reasonably troubled pregnancy.

 Since the beginning, I found out I was pregnant BEFORE my first missed period. So I was about 4/5 weeks pregnant. After I told my parents and 3 friends I started spotting (week 8ishh). Well I was spotting for a few days then there was a gush of blood - So I went into triage. They checked on Baby B and her heart beat was going strong and she was perfect so they sent me home. That was one of the scariest times of my life. Not to mention my husband wasn't able to leave work (as a security guard) because he wasn't able to leave his post so I went to the hospital alone... then my BFF came to my rescue. (*He has since left that job*)

In addition to that the first 4/5 months of my pregnancy I was sick as a dog. I wasn't able to eat things I loved which I know is a part of being pregnant but I didn't embrace that part of pregnancy. I would eat then throw up right away. I wasnt able to keep anything down that wasnt plain bread. + the heartburn. Not my friend.

I was taken from my job as a firefighter to a desk. It was very very hard going from being active to sitting on a desk. It still is hard as I sit here right now and the guys are out on a call. At times I felt like I was depressed because its such a wonderful feeling knowing I am able to help someone - but during my pregnancy I have to remember I am helping myself, and my unborn child and that helped me cope more with the desk jockey jokes. Another part of work that sucks is that I still have to maintain my 72 hour work week so I work a desk 0700-1700 then 1700-0700 the following morning I sit in my bunk room reading, watching TV, on my laptop... you name it I have done it.

As of lately I am having trouble sitting for any period longer then 30 minutes. Mr.B and I went to a movie last week and I get this agonizing pain in my lower back and left shoulder whenever I sit. Its crazy weird. To add to the pain my commute to work is about an hour and 15 minutes. So its daily pain. I cant even tell you how many times I woke up and wanted to call out just so I wouldn't have to get into my car.

Now nearing the end of my pregnancy I am having some of the same symptoms as the beginning. I get nauseous and have this KILLER heartburn.

People who I love get under my skin a lot easier. I try to be reasonable but when my mother "tickles" my belly with her dagger fingernails I cant help but pull away from her telling her not to touch me again until she clips her nails! I know its mean but It hurts. Family and friends who are pregnant the same time telling me how perfect their pregnancies are but knowing in the back of my head that they aren't perfect gets under my skin. Having my baby shower and then having a family members baby shower with all of my decorations & centerpieces really irks me. I know it shouldn't have but it did. I guess I'm more irritable.

Another part which maybe is what I'm on the fence about most is the weight. I am on the fence about it because I truly feel lucky that I haven't gained the weight like friends of mine have BUT working out and being fit is such a big part of my lifestyle with my husband. It was our 'OUR' time. I have a friend who gained 90lbs her first pregnancy! Another gained 60 - a friend is 29 weeks and already at 30lbs and you can see it everywhere in her body. I feel lucky because I have gained about 39lbs and I really feel that it is only in my belly and face. My arms aren't flabby (or more flabby lol) my legs are the same... I can honestly only see it in my face and belly. Oh my boobs too (this barley B cup is now a FULL C cup) . I know people workout their WHOLE pregnancy and maybe if I had pushed myself more in the beginning I would be singing a different tune right now... I tried though. My husband and I used to spend 1-2 hours a day at the gym together. It was our OUR time and it wasn't always roses and sugar plums but it was what we did. We enjoyed working out and sweating together (hell now that I think about it that's how we got into this situation in the first place hahaa). After being sick and not wanting to get out of bed and  truly just lack of discipline I stopped going to the gym. I went more frequently in the first trimester but after that when you cant lay on your back, or belly. I wasn't allowed to lift more then 30lbs it was just not fun for me. I was miserable whenever I went to the gym. In addition to being miserable I was getting stared at by 3/4 of the gym population. I was embarrassed. I am angry and I was sad. Even the guys who worked there gave me the shifty look. It was the beginning of the end of my time at the gym. I am actually cancelling that membership this month and joining the Y after the baby is born.

I cant think of anything more exciting then being a mother. I really can not and I have done a lot. Ran into burning buildings, I've been deployed twice but being able to create another human being is wonderful. I just have had a really difficult time with pregnancy. I know I am not alone...I am not the first I wont be the last I just wanted to let anyone else out there who has had difficulties your aren't alone either!

Comments? Anyone? I know there are people out there that have felt the same way.

Monday, October 8, 2012

MIA + 36 weeks

HEY friends...

So sorry I have been away for such a long time. I usually only blog from work and my laptop took a crap about 3 weeks ago so I haven't been doing much blogging. Thankfully I have an app on my phone that lets me read my blogs... but that's why I haven't posted or commented too much the past few weeks. I am at work today on my actual work computer (shhh dont tell the bossman) but its a holiday and there isn't much to do here today anyway. So I am going to pick up at 36 weeks!!

· How far along are you? 36 weeks & 2 days

· Total weight gain: 213 I think... If this is accurate I have gained 5 lbs in the last 3 weeks. Which also means I've gained 39 lbs. I want to write a post all on weight gain during pregnancy.

*NOTE: I'm a person who worked my whole adulthood to maintain a weight/look, I've never been 'model thin' I love the curve of my muscles! Gym daily and I ate reasonable but I am here to tell you to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! I was told to continue to workout, which I tried. It is so difficult to go to the gym and not do the routine that you are used to. Or being looked at because your getting a belly. It is/was very difficult for me to walk into the gym with my (amazingly) in shape husband. So I walked, there are days where I WANT to and actually crave a walk. On days where I didn't want to and forced myself to walk I lazily went out on an adventure and it actually hurt to walk. My feet couldn't fit into sneakers, I got blisters, I couldn't drink enough water (I did carry a bottle with me) and I would be out of breath 5 minutes into it. Listen to your body ladies. Yes, I am going to have to start at square one when I am able to get back into the swing of the gym again, but ya know what? I am going to do it and it will be a challenge that I am completely excited about!*I've decided to keep this in these posts. I am not ashamed of my weight and I stand behind what I said last week. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! Only YOU know how you are feeling.


· Gender : Its a girl! I am super excited.

· Maternity clothes: Maternity. I only have 2 pair of pants but I am trying to make due with sweat pants and big t-shirts.

· Stretch marks?: Nope. Thank you Lord!






· Wedding rings on or off?: Off! Both my real and fake ones do not fit. I am so swollen its not even cool.





· Sleep: Isn't getting any better. I fall asleep and roll from side to side, sometimes I will wake up on my back and my arms will have fallen asleep. Charlie horses wake me up. Its all a nightmare.





· Best moment this week?: I had a "cleaning party" at my house yesterday. I have never seen my house so clean before it is amazing. My family and my best friends came to help. I am so thankful for them.





· Movement: She is active. Not as much as before because she is running out of room! But I feel like her kicks and punches now are deliberate. She is a mean one! lol.





· Food cravings: Pineapple again. I love the sweetness





· Food aversions: None right now


· Labor signs: Braxton hicks. I feel like I lost my mucus plug on the 1st of October but its iffy.





· Belly button in or out?: Its pretty much flat. Kinda still a little inny but ya know.






· What I miss: Being able to walk without losing my breath, wearing my wedding band, not having back pain






· What I'm looking forward to: I am looking forward to tomorrow... I have an OB appointment hopefully she will check out the situation to see if my body is preparing for labor!




· Milestone: We are all PACKED and loaded for the hospital. After having a few scares and thinking I may have lost my plug (or partially) I decided its better safe then sorry.




Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Maternity Triage

So last week (Sunday) I spent some time in maternity triage at good ole' Christania Hospital. Let me start by saying I love my husband.
 
Once upon a time... Just kidding.
 
Last Sunday around 6 I was at work and I took a tumble down about 5/6 stairs at work. I work on a military base and most all of our stairs are those industrial metal ones that aren't fun to fall down - ever. When I say I took a tumble I mean I slid on my butt, it wasn't my belly and the only thing I hurt was my ass and my ego. Around 630 I try to call Mr.B and no answer I text him a few times, nothing. I knew he was at a BBQ with the guys from his shift so I wasn't going to pester him. I wasn't concerned with the tumble at all. It happens. I cant tell you how many times I walked into walls, or have fallen UP the steps these past 8 months! Anyway... I leave work early (I'm supposed to stay until 7am) and I head home, still unable to get a hold of Mr.B. I shower and head to bed...  9-930 I decide to give one last try and I finally get a hold of him and I tell him what happened. He's concerned and on his way home right away... Once he gets home he gets into bed behind me and leans on my butt. I COULD HAVE KILLED THAT MAN. I don't think he realized how sore I was at the time. He convinces me to give the on call number a ring, I leave a message at 10:02 (not concerned AT ALL, just sore and trying to please my worry wart husband) I am telling you exactly 5 minutes later 10:07 the Dr calls us back. She says because I'm further along then 31 weeks she would like me to come in and be monitored. I didn't even get off the phone Mr.B was up changing and brushing his teeth! I get into comfy clothes and clean undies to head out. Once there it takes about 10 minutes to do my nurse interview and get into a room. I was put on monitors - and left alone. Mr.B was so scared it was cute. I've never seen him act that way and I was so emotional - not because of the fall but seeing my husband act the way he was made my heart swell. Her heart rate was averaging around 150... a few times it was a little higher but nothing to be concerned with. The thing that scared me was the contraction monitor?! I was having contractions like crazy none were above a 6 (whatever that means on the monitor) but they were pretty frequent. The scary part was I couldn't feel them AL ALL. I know when I go into labor they will be the types of contractions I can FEEL. :) but it was scary to me that I was contracting and I didn't know it. We were discharged around 2 with instructions and told to take it easy, no bed rest all was well. The doc asked if I needed pain meds which I turned down (this girl does not do good with medicine unless its in an IV or someone is standing there telling me to take it). I was pretty sore for the next few days and now my butt is pretty much back to normal.
 
Anyone else ever have to go in for monitoring? Please ladies I want stories! I am SO ready for this little bean to come out. October 13th (I'll be 37 weeks) she is allowed out to play and if shes not out by November 3rd (my due date) She is grounded for life.
 
xo
Mrs.B

33Wks4d

 
I don't even look pregnant here!!! At another friends wedding on the 15th
 
· How far along are you? THIRTY THREE WEEKS!


· Total weight gain: 208.. Just now - at 7:24pm Wednesday night, right after a HUGE plate of pasta and garlic toast. I know last week I was also 208 and when I went to the DR the following morning I was 205. Like I said fluctuation. Its a vicious cycle.


*NOTE: I'm a person who worked my whole adulthood to maintain a weight/look, I've never been 'model thin' I love the curve of my muscles! Gym daily and I ate reasonable but I am here to tell you to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! I was told to continue to workout, which I tried. It is so difficult to go to the gym and not do the routine that you are used to. Or being looked at because your getting a belly. It is/was very difficult for me to walk into the gym with my (amazingly) in shape husband. So I walked, there are days where I WANT to and actually crave a walk. On days where I didn't want to and forced myself to walk I lazily went out on an adventure and it actually hurt to walk. My feet couldn't fit into sneakers, I got blisters, I couldn't drink enough water (I did carry a bottle with me) and I would be out of breath 5 minutes into it. Listen to your body ladies. Yes, I am going to have to start at square one when I am able to get back into the swing of the gym again, but ya know what? I am going to do it and it will be a challenge that I am completely excited about!*I've decided to keep this in these posts. I am not ashamed of my weight and I stand behind what I said last week. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! Only YOU know how you are feeling.


· Gender : Its a princess - Her name is Skyler Mae


· Maternity clothes: Maternity. I have a few tops that aren't that I still wear but they are getting uncomfortable and its getting chilly so I went and got a few things to try and hold me over till November.


· Stretch marks?: Nope. Thank you Lord!






· Wedding rings on or off?: Off & my fake one is getting tight!!






· Sleep: Is THE WORST EVER! I get maybe 2 hours before I wake up. Takes 30-60 minutes to fall back asleep. I am on the verge of taking Tylenol pm's 






· Best moment this week?: Humm.. Yesterday while I was at work my hubby was working in her room - he had a "super secret project" he was working on. He put in her book shelves and did a chalkboard frame thingy that looks so stinkin cute! I love it.






· Movement: She is SO active! It's an amazing feeling - except for when I feel like she is trying to break my ribs. That's not pleasant.






· Food cravings: Nothing really. I haven't felt satisfied after eating in a long while though. I swear she makes it so I cant finish a meal but then I eat every hour or so.






· Food aversions: None right now


· Labor signs: None. Other then a few braxton hicks and some






· Belly button in or out?: Its almost flat & feels SUPER funny.






· What I miss: My old self. lol I'm such a different person (some really good ways and others kinda painful ways)






· What I'm looking forward to: A few consignment sales coming up in my area!




· Milestone: 4 more weeks until Maternity leave starts!!!



 
 

Monday, September 10, 2012

Week 32 + 2 days

I have been slacking like WHOA! Totally crazy busy (that sounded really 'Clueless' of me). Lots to talk about - this whole baby thing and my crazy body and emotions. Just everything holy hell. Let me start with my little survey thinga ma boober.
 
Totally Tanned us in PicMonkey :) At our BFF's wedding 32 weeks
· How far along are you? THIRTY2 (32 for all you non-funky people)
She is the size of a honeydew yummm..

· Total weight gain: 208.. Just now - at 8:51 PM. I usually fluctuate about 3-4 lbs from night to morning while sleeping. Here's to hoping I didn't actually put that much (weight) on. I go to the Doctors office tomorrow morning. I went for a nice little walk tonight and felt great.

*NOTE: I'm a person who worked my whole adulthood to maintain a weight/look, I've never been 'model thin' I love the curve of my muscles! Gym daily and I ate reasonable but I am here to tell you to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! I was told to continue to workout, which I tried. It is so difficult to go to the gym and not do the routine that you are used to. Or being looked at because your getting a belly. It is/was very difficult for me to walk into the gym with my (amazingly) in shape husband. So I walked, there are days where I WANT to and actually crave a walk. On days where I didn't want to and forced myself to walk I lazily went out on an adventure and it actually hurt to walk. My feet couldn't fit into sneakers, I got blisters, I couldn't drink enough water (I did carry a bottle with me) and I would be out of breath 5 minutes into it. Listen to your body ladies. Yes, I am going to have to start at square one when I am able to get back into the swing of the gym again, but ya know what? I am going to do it and it will be a challenge that I am completely excited about!*I've decided to keep this in these posts. I am not ashamed of my weight and I stand behind what I said last week. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! Only YOU know how you are feeling.

· Gender : Its a princess - Her name is Skyler Mae

· Maternity clothes: My Stomach is swallowing all of my clothes! So BIG! All gym shorts and maternity clothes. Still wearing tanks - but only while Im home. NOT outside lol

· Stretch marks?: Nope. Thank you Lord!



· Wedding rings on or off?: Off & my fake one is getting tight!!



· Sleep: Is STILL awful. I don't get good sleep at all.



· Best moment this week?: Hub was drunk on the way home from the wedding, I was driving he put his hand on my belly and Skyler was going BONKERS - then he starts poking my belly back after every kick. When I asked what he was doing he said "She kicked me I'm just showing her who's boss". lol I couldn't make this up if I wanted!



· Movement: She is SO active! Its an amazing feeling!



· Food cravings: Nothing really. I haven't felt satisfied after eating in a long while though. I swear she makes it so I cant finish a meal but then I eat every hour or so.



· Food aversions: None right now

· Labor signs: Well this can be to be continued... for tomorrow. Lets just say I had to go to maternity triage for a few hours last night.



· Belly button in or out?: In, for now...



· What I miss: My back not hurting EVERY DAY



· What I'm looking forward to: Tomorrows Doctors appointment!


· Milestone: My husband bonding with my belly :)

Saturday, September 1, 2012

31 Weeks!

HAPPY SEPTEMBER!!
 
Pineapple?! That's kinda weird.. cause I've been craving Pineapple like crazy. Now I don't think I'll be able to eat it!

· How far along are you? THIRTY ONE weeks!!! Holy smokes!

· Total weight gain: 203 (yesterday 11am ishh). Yes. I am not happy about it. I cant even make excuses. I ate like crap the last week... I mean it was my Baby shower - Hubsters Birthday... crazy weight gain. It was a total of 9lbs since I last saw the OB... She wasn't happy with me which makes me sad because shes usually singing my praises. Total of 29 lbs. She recommended I walk about 40 minutes a day on top of staying pretty active. Which I feel like I am as active as I'm gonna get. Heck I mowed the front and back lawn last week and cleaned the entire house for a little bday shindig. I am not going to put myself down about it but I am going to try to walk more (when I can) and watch what I eat a little better.

*NOTE: I'm a person who worked my whole adulthood to maintain a weight/look, I've never been 'model thin' I love the curve of my muscles! Gym daily and I ate reasonable but I am here to tell you to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! I was told to continue to workout, which I tried. It is so difficult to go to the gym and not do the routine that you are used to. Or being looked at because your getting a belly. It is/was very difficult for me to walk into the gym with my (amazingly) in shape husband. So I walked, there are days where I WANT to and actually crave a walk. On days where I didn't want to and forced myself to walk I lazily went out on an adventure and it actually hurt to walk. My feet couldn't fit into sneakers, I got blisters, I couldn't drink enough water (I did carry a bottle with me) and I would be out of breath 5 minutes into it. Listen to your body ladies. Yes, I am going to have to start at square one when I am able to get back into the swing of the gym again, but ya know what? I am going to do it and it will be a challenge that I am completely excited about!*I've decided to keep this in these posts. I am not ashamed of my weight and I stand behind what I said last week. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! Only YOU know how you are feeling.

· Gender : Its a princess - Her name is Skyler Mae

· Maternity clothes: Still the same. Dresses, Gym clothes. My tanks & T-shirts are belly shirts. I have a few maternity shirts I wear.. I went to Kohls tonight to get more maternity shirts... I left empty handed. I refuse to pay 20$ for a shirt I am not going to get much use out of. I need a clearance rack or maybe Craig's list.

· Stretch marks?: Nope. Thank you Lord! 



· Wedding rings on or off?: Off & my fake one is getting tight!! Mentioned the swelling to the OB and she says that because of the heat and water Its normal. No need to worry.



· Sleep: Is STILL awful. I don't get good sleep at all.



· Best moment this week?: The Baby Shower. So overwhelmed and grateful to people 



· Movement: She is SO active! Its an amazing feeling!



· Food cravings: Pineapple and Birthday cake - thank goodness I have extra cake in the fridge from the hubs bday!



· Food aversions: None right now

· Labor signs: None. A little cramping. Nothing to write home about



· Belly button in or out?: In, for now...



· What I miss: Date nights (with wine) - my Summer clothes.



· What I'm looking forward to: Tomorrow my friend is taking maternity pictures. I have been avoiding them. I figure shes doing it for fun & I am not paying for them so I need to suck it up.


· Milestone: I really don't know... I would say another week closer to meeting her... but I feel that way every week.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Operation Shower

A few months ago I received an email from the squadron that I work if any first time mom would be interested in attending an event called Operation Shower... So because I am a dork researcher before responding to the email I quickly did a Google search. When I saw the website I knew right away I wanted to be apart of it. If I wasn't going to go to the shower, I was going to try (in the future after Skyler is born) to donate. There was a lot of back and forth with the squadron, finally I was able to get in touch with one of the event organizers via their facebook

Leading up to the event Mr.B & I made plans to go to Long Beach NY so we made it into a little "babymoon" it was so wonderful. We walked Long Beaches Nautical Mile, we ate (disgusting microwaved food) at Ottos (on the Nautical Mile), we had ice cream then went and played miniature golf. The following day we headed up to the Barclays. The Barclays is supposed to be one of the hardest golf courses around. They were hosting military appreciation day. Mr.B watched the golfers while I spent the day at the shower. 

When entering you were able to enter a raffle for crib bedding by carousel design. Of course I did! We ate food provided by whole foods. Then the fun started. There were several speakers including Melissa Joan Heart who is currently expecting her THIRD child! They started raffling off items first was the Wonder Bug activity center - well what do you know EVERY MOM received one! Then there was the bedding raffle. There was a boys/girls/neutral raffle and guess what? I WON THE GIRLS!!  It matches Skylers nursery colors perfectly. It couldn't have worked better... now we have two sets which is great since we didn't register for any extra bedding. 
Facebook

Made in the USA by Carousel Designs
After the initial raffles we were ALL given HUGE boxes filled with goodies...  


I took this in Sklyers nursery :)
The box on the left is the box that was filled with goodies, HUGE right? I am sure I am going to miss things but let me try to name some of the items that were given - for free - to all the moms (each box was gender specific and age specific they asked us in advance what we were having and when we were due)  
  • Moby Wrap
  • Two winter newborn outfits
  • Disney onsies SIX total (so soft)
  • LOTS of books - for mom and baby
  • Build a Bear white teddy 
  • A Diaper bag by Petunia Picklebottom (which I ADORE) 
  • A book titled Sh*tty Mom (LOVE IT - the Author was there and personally gave out her books)
  • A book titled Plan a Party (I love parties! This author was also there! )
  • ANOTHER set of sheets and a crib blanket from Carousel Designs
  • A pair of shoes
  • A tether
  • Wipes
  • A memory book (to put photos for the baby to remember faces) 
  • A baby Brag photo album 
  • A MUM pacifier and bottle
  • An Operation Shower sippy cup
  • The coolest sunglasses
  • Johnston & Johnston body wash
  • Hand knitted hat and bib along with a few other onsies, bibs, towel and receiving blanket
  • (Not Pictured) A Baby's 1st birthday starter kit!
That is pretty much all I can see. I cried when I opened the box. I was so overwhelmed and filled with gratitude. It was amazing.... but that wasnt all. After a few minutes they started raffling off items again. Custom bedding and a crib were given away by Carousel Designs! A Ryder wagon was raffled off, a beautiful watch was raffled. Then they raffled off a bracelet (which I am sad I dont have a photo of and I dont remember the name of the company I will try to remember to update this) EVERYONE got one! There was a Tree of Life on it. I thought it was so symbolic to have all these women who were pregnant (or who had given birth only weeks prior to the event). Then There was a Mclaren Trimuph Stroller raffle - they called number 45, noone had it so OBVIOUSLY that meant EVERYONE got one! CRAZY!? Tears again. The next item was a Britax Marathon 70 Car seat - which you guessed it EVERYONE got one! 
Babies R Us
Babies R Us

After the shower we participated in a military ceremony. I was told because parking was SO far they would mail our goodies to us. Well wouldn't you know yesterday (Friday) I get home to FOUR boxes on my front stoop! Yes. 2 day turn around. So quick. I can not express how much everything meant to me, how filled with gratitude and thanks I am to the people who donated and put together this event. Operation Shower - an amazing organization and I am so lucky that they have touched my life. I still think about it and get chills all the mothers there had smiles from ear to ear. I can not say enough how amazing it all was. Everyone should go check them out... 


** A link on FB from a photographerElizabeth Mascali - An Author who donated the party book! **
  

Sorry for the long post!

xoxo
Mrs.B

p.s. tomorrow is my baby shower with friends & family I CAN NOT WAIIIIIT!!!